when boredom strikes.

Rules: It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own post, erase my answers, enter yours and tag people you want. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real; nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.


1. What is your name : erin
2. A four letter word : evil
3. A boy's name : emir
4. A girl's name : emma
5. An occupation : entertainer
6. A color : emerald
7. Something you'll wear: earmuffs (maybe not in Malaysia la)
8. A food : éclair
9. Something found in the bathroom: extra towels? Haha.
10. A place : england
11. A reason for being late : excavator smashed into house????
12. Something you'd shout : eww!!!!!!
13. A movie title : easy a
14. Something you drink : eggnog
15. A musical group : earth wind fire (aiyo.. gile old-school)
16. An animal : elephant
17. A street name : elm street?
18. A type of car : el Camino
19. Title of a song : endlessly by muse

I completely lost Control…

Today, I lost Control. I hope I’ll find it back…

my dream was shattered by someone who called themselves as educators

I always knew since I was a little girl I wanted to be a performer...
Anything from singing, dancing, acting and even miming...
I wanted to do it all...
I’m always psyched for any school performance...
I was mushroom number 1, a pussycat, and a princess...

So basically every year in school we have this thing called 'school play'...
Only Junior 4 till Junior 6 are allowed to audition for lead roles...

I can't audition when I’m in Junior 4 because my estranged atuk just passed away...
I was in Kelantan when that audition happens...
so I said to myself, "It's okay, there's always next year. No biggie."

A year after that, I auditioned again. Again, my luck surpasses me. i didn't get that part. But it’s okay. I'm not that keen and I was playing around during audition. I couldn't stop giggling and keep forgetting my lines... so it’s all good... I’m still in the play though... not the lead role but STILL..

So Junior 6. My final year. Audition day: mentally prepared and keep saying to myself over and over again "Don't giggle." The play is "Around the World in 80 Days." I was set to audition to play as Princess Aouda. I put my heart and soul doing the scenes (one of the acts i actually shed tears, amazing, right? i can cry on cue. Haha.. perasan diri ini talented sekejap..) and i got a call back later that day. I was really excited because it seems that for Princess Aouda's role, I’m like the only one who got a call back. And then enters...

AMEERA AIDA.

She didn't even go for the audition. So I was thinking to myself “Why is she here at the callback?". And then I found out I have to compete with her for that part. I was like "Okay... that’s not fair... but whatever. I’m sure the teachers will judge us fairly." so I started acted doing my 2 scenes and Ameera just read lines (actually she just read three words!!) while sitting in the chair. Ahh... I’ve bag the role...

so wake up the next morning with the big smile on my face. In the bus on the way to school, everybody crowded me to say job well done during the audition or "U sooo gonna get that part!!!” I answered with the big grin "Takdela. Tak tahu lagi."

Okay, mase assembly, the moment I’ve been waiting for, they're going to announce the names that made the cut for the play. So I was holding Jenny's hand, and anxiously waiting for my name to be called but....

NOTHING.

My name was not called. FROZEN. I just stood there. Jenny had to usher me back to class. And then I found out that Ameera got my part. I went to my locker and started to cry. But hey I’m a fighter; I’m not letting this go. With all the guts and courage that I have, I went to confront Ms Barbara, Ms Badariah and Ms Maznah. Before I opened the teacher's lounge door, I heard conversations that would change my life forever.

Ms Maznah: Why Erin didn't get the part?
Ms Barbara: She's not pretty enough or skinny enough.
Ms Maznah: Why is it matter? She can act. And she understands her character.
Ms Badariah: Nobody cares about that. They're only 12. Besides Ameera is somebody's daughter.
Ms Maznah: So what? How’s that fair?

I couldn't bear myself to hear that conversations anymore. Even though I’m thankful that somebody still fights for me, but those other two are teachers. They’re supposed to be a guide, a mentor, a confident, a friend, a disciplinarian, an informer, a provider of inspiration and imagination.

I lost myself that day. I’m scared to perform on stage. I’m 22 now and I’m still scared silly… even though it’s been 10 years ago... I want to be my 12yearold-self again… Confident, carefree and most importantly HAPPY. I love performing but …

i want a seahorse headwear!

I should have been the one to break up with you
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"
I wanna snap your neck and spit on you.
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"
If I got a call that said you were dead
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"
I'd shrug my shoulders and I say, "what-ev"
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"

Hey, have we met before? Oh yeah, I think we have.
Because we only dated for four and a half years.
No big deal, I've only witnessed you sitting on the
couch watching Next in your undies. But it's cool
that you act like you have no idea who I am.

I saw you at Amoeba Records last night,
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"
You straightened your hair and had a henna tatto
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"
I wanna shove your face just shove it.
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"
My mother thinks you're in the closet
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"

It's so weird, because when we used to go
out you never even liked the TJ wontons,
and now I have to drive all the way to Mar Vista,
or some stupid place, and eat some stupid
butternut squash raviolli or something,
because you took the last bag like some immature little clown.

I saw you Thursday at the Arclight
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"
I was on a date you ruined my night
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"
I saw you shopping at the Trader Joe's
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"
I see you everywhere it really blows.
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"

Hey, did you ever meet my friend Ian?
He's a computer hacker.
He helped me erase your Myspace page and
your band's Myspace page, and
your Facebook page.
Happy networking asshole!

So remember all the stuff you forgot
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"
the Fender Stratocaster you just bought
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"
I'd like to see the look on your greasy face
You said, "Who are you? Who are you?"
It sold for sixteen hundred on EBay
You said, "I'll know you, I'll know you."

drive me to CANDY.LAND.. (o0ps).. i mean PE.LI.TA..

*my hang out 'buddies' at home..haha..im so bored..ladida..
cheeriooos